Kelly Barron

Mindfulness in schools, at work & everywhere

Coping with Blursday

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Maybe like me, you’re finding it harder to get traction these days.

Since entering lockdown mode, my days are narrow and familiar, but at the same time, different and undependable.

The footholds I counted on to scale my day have given way. In place of a reliable routine are last-minute Zoom meetings, round-the-clock emails, willy-nilly walks, and family meals that resemble cows grazing in the field with all of us nibbling from the refrigerator at whim.

One day flows into the next, and entire days have changed personalities. Lazy Sundays look like hectic Wednesdays. The glee I usually feel on a Friday afternoon gets tempered by another quiet night at home.

Call this no man’s land of calendar time, Blursday.

It’s a pandemic phenomenon that’s not only the result of upended personal schedules but of an entire society turned topsy-turvy. Cultural cues that keep us on track—morning rush hour or a Saturday night out—have been replaced by a shelter-at-home timelessness that’s now morphing into a patchwork re-opening of cities, counties, and states.

In place of a reliable routine are last-minute Zoom meetings, round-the-clock emails, willy-nilly walks, and family meals that resemble cows grazing in the field with all of us nibbling from the refrigerator at whim.

Those going into work are entering workplaces that have become more structured and rule-based. But, there too, unfamiliar protocols combined with long hours create Blursday. Others have lost jobs, and along with the lost income goes the lost framework they provided. School has become an early, shapeless summer vacation for many kids and teens.

Blursday can leave us feeling unmoored and spacey. Mid-way through a rare grocery shop, we can realize we left our wallet at home. (True story.) Bills don’t get paid on time, and household chores lose their cadence. The other night, I cleaned the toilet 10:45 p.m. Who does that?

Alternatively, Blursday can make you feel dizzyingly productive and overwhelmed. With less structure, work has more capacity to ooze into every crevice of life. It’s like Gak—that slimy goo children love, but adults hate.

Either way, we can wind up blaming ourselves, lamenting a lack of motivation, or feeling guilty for working too hard and not spending quality time with family or taking care of ourselves.

There are practical ways to cope with Blursday (which, by the way, isn’t our fault).

How to Cope with Blursday

1. Getting dressed in something other than sweatpants and making your bed in the morning gives you a sense of accomplishment that propels productivity the rest of the day.

2. Setting boundaries around when you’ll stop working if you’re working from home—i.e., not checking email after 8 p.m.—helps you reclaim the sanctuary of home.

3. Looking at the calendar or your planner, even if it’s too full or too empty, reorients you and creates an impression of normalcy.

4. Being mindful and becoming more aware of what scaffolding you need to erect in your day, whether it’s starting work at a regular time each morning or routinely taking an evening stroll, is eminently helpful.

Reframing Blursday

I’ll also suggest a mindful reframe of Blursday. No matter how disorienting, not being so tethered to date and time grants us more freedom to live in the moment. Clock time is just an externally imposed illusion anyway.

How many times have you eaten breakfast at 8 a.m. even though you weren’t the least bit hungry? And what’s wrong with scrubbing the toilet at 10:45 p.m.?

Maybe the best approach, at least for now and if we’re able, is to follow poet Mary Oliver’s advice and “let the soft animal of your body love what it loves”… whenever it loves it.

No matter how disorienting, not being so tethered to date and time grants us more freedom to live in the moment. Clock time is just an externally imposed illusion anyway.

Work-life balance has been out the window for years anyhow. In vogue is “work-life harmony” where work isn’t compartmentalized but, for better or for worse, flexibly integrated into the day. If going for a run at 11 a.m. recharges you, and you can make up lost time working after dinner, have at it. Scenarios like this will likely become common as more of us work from home.

As we emerge from shelter-in-place orders, whatever new routine we adopt won’t be like the one we had. There’s no going back. Given that, relying on intuition to craft a just-right rhythm to our day is a kinder, gentler way to go—even if we don’t know what day it is.

This article originally ran in https://www.mindful.org/

On My Mind

Poet Maggie Smith has been offering words of pandemic wisdom via Twitter https://twitter.com/maggiesmithpoet?lang=en to inspire and shine a light on our shared experience. Maybe you feel a bit like she does when she writes:

“I feel like I live on a small, remote island and there are no more fairies running. Sometimes, I wonder if I dreamed the mainland.” 

The Unintended Good

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Every event has intended and unintended consequences. More often, it’s a mixture of both.

Some consequences are decidedly bad, and others are surprisingly good. Many remain unknown for years to come.

With the COVID-19 pandemic, the bad is painfully apparent. The unknown is portentous. And the good is worth noting to boost our morale, if only briefly, and to add an uplifting contrast to what otherwise has been weeks of unrelenting gloom.

I offer the following observations of the unintended “good” with compassion for all of those who are suffering now. Many among us have lost loved ones as well as their jobs. Others are ill or anxious about getting sick. Still, more are working overtime on the front lines.

Let’s think of them as we turn our attention to the good that’s emerged during the pandemic.

  • Caring, Connection, and Collaboration: These three “C’s” of human interaction have rarely been higher – save for World War II or national tragedies such as 9/11. The Wall Street Journal ran a stunning article recently about Scientists to Stop COVID-19, a behind-the-scenes consortium of billionaires and top-notch scientists, including a Nobel Prize winner who said he was the least qualified of the group. The group has been working feverishly to try to save the world from the pandemic, bringing tremendous financial and intellectual resources to the gargantuan task. They reportedly have made progress on sorting out the most promising treatments and strategies for defeating COVID-19. They’re now researching the best ways to re-open the economy. Reading about the shared goodwill of the group raised my spirits for hours. People working together with compassion (another C) for others can accomplish amazing things.
  • Mother Nature:  Planet earth is thriving during our global lockdown. Dolphins swim in the clear waters of the Venice canals in Italy. The skies above New York are an unpolluted blue. Black bears freely frolic in Yosemite National Park, where 400 bears have been hit by cars since 1995, according to Beth Pratt, National Wildlife Federation’s regional executive director for California. Surely, flora, and fauna soil and water are thanking us for our collective retreat. Maybe, they’ll continue to thrive a bit longer at our expense. And perhaps when we get back to business, we’ll tread a little more lightly on the earth.
  • Illicit Drug Supply Chains Get Disrupted: While Wuhan, China, is now famous for COVID-19, BC (before COVID-19), it was known as an industrial hub and a primary supplier of the chemicals needed to make fentanyl and other opioids, according to the Los Angeles Times. Lockdowns in Wuhan disrupted the chemical supply back in January. The flow of drugs into the U.S. from Mexico also has been hampered thanks to the pandemic. Supply and demand is a complicated relationship. Drug users are likely paying more for their high while supplies stall or, worse, going through life-endangering withdrawals without access to their usual drugs. We can still hope, though, that the hiccup in the supply chain shifts the drug trade downward.

A lovely but cynical friend of mine believes that when COVID-19 subsides, we’ll return to our selfish, polluting, mercenary ways.

I’m not so sure. People change. Cultures adapt, and some trends, for better and for worse, are long-lasting. We still go through security checkpoints at airports because of 9/11, and it’s likely wearing masks will be fashionable for a while.

Why not dream that the “better angels of our nature” will lift humanity to higher heights long after the pandemic recedes

On My Mind

 

British World War II Veteran Captain Thomas Moore decided to do his part during the pandemic. His quest? To raise money for the country’s National Health Service charities by attempting to walk 100 laps around his garden in Eastern England with the aid of a walker before he turned 100 years old. An inspired British nation contributed nearly $38 million to his cause. Moore successfully completed his quest and when he turned 100 years old on April 30th he received more than 100,000 birthday cards, including one from the Queen. Keep Calm and Carry On. http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-52472132

 

Highly Entertaining

The stories we tell ourselves about the future and the past affect how we live in the present. Watch the following video from poet Tomos Roberts and consider what story you want to tell yourself about post-pandemic life.

Nurturing the Positive in Difficult Times

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Difficulty is never monotone. It’s a symphony of high and low emotions, thoughts, and sensations. Mixed in with the cacophony of horrible is often some good.

During the pandemic, I’ve delighted in the California poppies blooming in my front yard and laughed while giving my daughter an extraordinarily uneven haircut with a pair of dull scissors.

It can feel wildly inappropriate to feel delight or to giggle amid such worldwide suffering. Sometimes we feel guilty for feeling good. Certainly, more than a few of us have felt the spiky tendrils of guilt after a wave of pleasure that’s risen and fallen within us during the COVID-19 crisis. “Who am I to be happy when others grieve?”

When our spirits are buoyed, it’s easier to be kind to others. Think of paying attention to the positive as a public mandate that uplifts everyone.

And, yet, it’s vital to connect to the glimmers of positivity that shine through adversity because they keep our hearts afloat and give us hope.

Famed relational therapist Esther Perel recently told followers on her YouTube channel that feelings of play, imagination, curiosity, exploration, pleasure, and sexual desire are survival tools that help us counter despair.

Positive emotions are a life raft in a sea of uncertainty and heartache. Accessing moments of good not only helps us, but it also helps those we care for and interact with throughout the day. When our spirits are buoyed, it’s easier to be kind to others. Think of paying attention to the positive as a public mandate that uplifts everyone.

Doing so takes intention and practice. Fear and worry commandeer our attention. But the hope that bubbles up when we see a dandelion boldly growing in a sidewalk crack or the comfort we feel when we sip a cup of Earl Grey are easier to miss.

This isn’t to say that we should pretend there isn’t melancholy—and a whole host of other emotions that arise in the continued fallout from the pandemic. We can greet those difficult emotions with kindness.

Then, we can turn toward welcoming feelings of gladness, amusement, relaxation, and the like. We can celebrate our capacity to feel the rainbow of emotions in both good and bad times. And if you need a little help doing so, here are three embodied mindfulness practices to nurture the positive during difficulty.

1. Smile

It’s simplistic to say that smiling can make you happy. And yet, scientists in the field of embodied cognition have long known that how we move affects how we feel and think. “Your face does a lot more than simply express your emotions; it affects how you register those emotions inside your head and remember them. Frowning and smiling actually create different emotions and attitudes; they’re not just the physical result of a mood,” writes Sian Beilock, president of Barnard College and a cognitive scientist who wrote, “How the Body Knows Its Mind: The Surprising Power of the Physical Environment to Influence How You Think and Feel.”

Smiling throughout the day is lovely. But it’s a powerful practice to smile during meditation and fully connect to the physical and emotional sensations that arise. As you begin or end a meditation, invite a gentle smile to your face. Notice if your mood brightens like a light on a dimmer switch. Does a feeling of warmth spread through the core of your body and into your chest? If you like, combine smiling with positive imagery. Imagine yourself doing what you love or picture a movie of joyful memories in your mind’s eye. When positive feelings subside, renew a gentle smile, and refocus on the imagery.

2. Come to Your Senses

Our senses alert us to danger. But we also experience pleasure through sight, sound, taste, touch, hearing, and smell. By mindfully coming to our senses, we can more fully experience everything from peace to awe to rejuvenation. Whenever I pet the silken fur of my cat, Peter, I feel soothed. At dusk, when I watch the street lamps outside my kitchen window illuminate the evening quiet, I feel content. And there’s nothing like the bracing, full-body tingling of a cold shower to re-energize my weary body.

Slowing down and savoring the good that arrives through your senses is a grab-and-go mindfulness practice available in every moment. It also has the added benefit of redirecting your attention from a mind whirling with future worries into a body that’s always in the present. To attune yourself to your senses, wake up slowly in the morning. Feel the warmth of the sheets against your skin. Notice the coolness of the floor beneath your feet as you rise to meet the day. Listen to the dawn chorus of blackbirds out your bedroom window and, by all means, smell the coffee.

3. Spark Joy

Many years ago, when I was in labor, my obstetrician asked me what music I wanted to hear during delivery. My daughter greeted the world to the Beatles’ “Here Comes the Sun.” That song still brings me joy. A meta-analysis of research published in The Lancet medical journal in 2015 showed that music played during and after medical procedures reduces anxiety and pain. By listening to music as a singular object of our focus, we can also evoke feelings of interest, ease, and bliss. The possibilities for how we can positively influence our mood through music are as endless as a Spotify playlist. To spark joy through music, grab a pair of headphones, and select songs that make you happy. Take a seat and as you devote yourself to listening, allow the music to envelop your awareness. Soak in whatever positive emotions, images, or sensations arise.

This post originally appeared on Mindful.orghttps://www.mindful.org/

Reframing Social Isolation as Seclusion

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For many city dwellers, the physical world has shrunk to the single-digit walls of their apartments. In dense suburbs, postage-stamp-sized backyards have become parks. Getting out for brief walks along the familiar streets of home has become a new form of commuting.

Many among us are suffering now—gravely ill, steeped in grief, or worried sick about how we’ll pay the rent. We’re hunkering down with social distancing, at-home sheltering, and lockdowns as new normals. Tedium is setting in.

Yet, as the boundaries of our physical world contract, the limits of our mental, emotional, and spiritual worlds have the potential to expand.

Meditation teacher Shinzen Young compassionately suggested to students on an online retreat recently that they could reframe the pandemic predicament of social isolation as a time of seclusion during which their mindfulness practices could deepen. Provided our basic needs get met, such a subtle shift in perspective has the power to lighten our load psychologically.  

For centuries, human beings have used seclusion to birth creativity, for physical, psychological, and spiritual renewal and as a means of understanding fundamental truths about the world.

Great inventors, philosophers, artists, writers, and the like, from Albert Einstein to Harper Lee to Georgia O’Keeffe to James Baldwin to Bill Gates and countless others valued time alone. Often, they contributed their gifts to the world after phases of reflection and solitude. There’s a reason silent retreats are a mainstay of mindfulness practice.

Like a good broth, sometimes we need to simmer our lives on the stove to uncover the richness within us.

Yesterday, from my open kitchen window, I heard the painful sounds of an inexperienced violinist in my neighborhood struggling to discover the music within her. I thought about the passion projects, the inventions, the new business ideas coming to life during our worldwide hibernation. It also takes relentless creativity to keep kids entertained and engaged all day and to run a household amid shortages, stoppages, and uncertainty.

Thankfully, not all creativity is serious. The other day I got the giggles watching comedian Will Ferrell methodically wash his hands for 20 seconds while singing George Michael’s “Careless Whisper.” My husband is playfully growing his facial hair into a ridiculously retro mustache. So far so good on the home front, but I can do without the 1970s slang he’s tossing around. “Can you dig it?”

Seclusion also makes room for renewal and insight. My neighbor’s frequent, bi-coastal air travel has halted, allowing him to recoup his energy, and spend more time with the family. A back injury his older son incurred during rowing team practice is mending. His younger son finds Zoom learning more enriching and less distracting than being in a loud classroom.

Perhaps more starkly, when we’re secluded, there are fewer excuses to avoid the inner work that our souls naggingly request. A lot rises to the surface in difficult times—maladaptive ways of coping and harmful behaviors we only dimly see in the rush of our busy routines. If we’re willing and able, we can lovingly turn toward it all and gently begin the work of healing. 

Whenever you feel the fizzy energy of anxiety bubble up, stop and, like a mother attending to a toddler, give it your attention.

  • Take a breath.
  • Put your hand over your heart and soften your belly, giving the anxiety more space to move through you.
  • If it’s all too much, turn your attention away.
  • Feel your feet on the ground, listen to the hum of the heater or turn the on the TV, and watch a Hallmark movie. Either way, you’ll have mindfulness as your companion.

The other morning a friend shared that when he was a little boy, he loved to watch his grandfather prune trees, and his memory of it has become a helpful metaphor during the COVID-19 crisis.

He explained that after the pruning, once the trees were down to their bare essence, they entered a period of botanical seclusion and apparent dormancy. But in time, the trees stood tall again—more lush and beautiful in the morning light.

We are in a time of tremendous pruning and seclusion, said my friend.

Let’s hope and trust that when this period ends, we, too, will emerge from our global seclusion more vibrant and beautiful than before.

This post originally appeared on Mindful.org https://www.mindful.org/

The Wonders of Walking

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Forget baseball. It’s official now. America’s favorite pastime is walking.

With COVID-19 lockdowns in full force, walking has become a liberator from the confines of home turned office turned school. Going for a walk is now a standard diversion from a world that’s both wildly uncertain and tediously routine. A stroll around the block isn’t as exciting as a trip to Kuala Lumpur. But there are discoveries on every outing.

While on a walk recently, a friend of mine spied a series of “fairy gardens” that children in his neighborhood made at the base of trees. Tiny doors set against the tree trunks presumably opened into a magical land. (See pictures below.) My friend took this as a hopeful sign. Maybe the children know that somewhere out there is a better world, he mused.

In my neighborhood, it’s become prime-time entertainment to look out my kitchen window and see pedestrians boldly walking down the middle of empty streets. A hot pink mask counts for fashion on the catwalk of LA sidewalks now. I can’t tell if the dogs I see trotting alongside their owners on their multiple daily jaunts are gleeful or exhausted.

Long before COVID-19, we knew walking was good for us and that sitting was the new smoking. Fitbits and iWatches prodded us to get off the couch. But it took a pandemic to motivate us. It’s one habit that I hope stays with us whenever our world returns to normal.

Standing upright and propelling ourselves forward on two legs is uniquely human. Walking is so beneficial to us in so many ways that if it were a pill, we’d pop it like an M&M.

Walking is one of the most studied forms of exercise, and research shows that it can lower body mass, cholesterol, and blood pressure. It improves memory and cognitive function. Studies also show that walking can boost our moods and reduce depression. It even spurs creativity. Have you ever wondered why your best ideas strike you while strolling?

Researchers at Stanford asked people to come up with alternative uses for everyday objects and found that people who walked before given the task came up with twice as many ideas as those who stayed put.

A walking brain is a more active brain and is more capable of ideation and creation, according to Shane O’Mara, a Trinity College professor and author of the book “In Praise of Walking: A New Science of Exploration.” She recommends that before working on any thorny problem, you write down a few questions about your dilemma or project and then take a hike. Often, the issue solves itself before you return home.  

Walking is the low-hanging fruit of physical activity. And if you’re getting less than 5,000 steps a day, you’re considered “clinically sedentary.” Physical therapist and mobility guru Kelly Starrett says that our ancestors walked while carrying heavy things. He sometimes schleps a 50-pound sandbag when he walks just to up the ante. 

But, of course, it’s enough to put one foot in front of the other. You can do so mindfully by paying attention to the swing of your legs and the step of your feet. Bringing awareness to the body and using walking as a meditation is a sure-fire way to quiet a mind whirling with worry.

What’s more, you’ll never know what you’ll discover once you’re out the door. I like to walk at dusk when the street lamps begin to illuminate the peace that descends over my neighborhood at night. If I can get a walk during the day, I’ll do that, too.

The other morning, I felt a bit deflated, realizing that we’re in for a long COVID-19 haul. To boost my spirits, I went on a walk and came across a poem – yes, a poem – that was heaven-sent.

Typed out on a sign in a neighbor’s yard were the lines below from poet Edna St. Vincent Millay. Maybe you’ll discover something just as inspiring on your next walk.

 “From the apprehensive present, from a future packed
With unknown dangers, monstrous, terrible and new-
Let us turn for comfort to this simple fact:
We have been in trouble before… and we came through.”
–Edna St. Vincent Millay